Umm, Exercise?

So, three kids into this life, and my body's definitely not what it used to be. I'm almost 30, always been really energetic, and never really cared nor had the time to care about my body all that much. I eat pretty healthy, not because it's a healthy decision, but because I'm really cheap, and why buy it when you can grow it yourself?
But with age, and help from being preggo with kids at diferent intervals, My body has begun it's quiet rebellion. For the past five years I've had to do the lean and stuff with my boobs, in a b-cup no less. Lately It's been more of a roll and tuck action, which is nice...
My cute little bubble butt is drooping, my feet have been swollen and deflated so many times that I have to roll my pinky toes under my foot to fit into any type of high heel. Sciatica is my frenemy, and my joints hate me at the least opportune times. I don't really mind any of this, it's a part of life, and all my aches, pains, and bulge-y bits show me that I've lived.

The reason I bitch is this.

I'm to be in a wedding this fall, and we ordered our dresses and shoes online. It's to be a pin-up style wedding, so everything is skin-tight and smokin-hot. I'm wearing this dress that's fit to burst the boobies out, and sizzle the attention. Also, these super-sexy three inch patent teal shoes that make drool burst from all orifices.

I had my third boy this past Christmas, and he took a real toll on me. I was a hot sweating aching mess the whole pregnancy. And after was a big blur, as the family moved, got the stomach flu, and other such fun things. So I've not really been paying attention to myself, other shit is going on.

Did I mention that with each of my pregnancies I've gained roughly 85 lbs each time? And that each time a year's combination of insomnia, illness, and too much work has gotten me roughly back down to what I was before, give or take 5 lbs. Lucky me. So I think I was kind of leaning on that fact to fit me into these clothes.

We got our dresses and shoes a month ago, and like the genius I am, I got everything in the size I was before the last kid. I bought spanx to help smooth everything out, and I've been running after kids 24/7-excercising regularly, so I haven't been worried at all. But I didn't try anything on until recently, as I knew it would be dissapointing so early in the game.

And I was very right. After a few sweaty minutes with my spanx, I had to conceed that even they weren't going any higher than midthigh. And after a  few minutes tottering around like a drunk chicken with my pinky toes shoved under the rest of my foot like they were frightened, I had to tell myself that wearing this stuff was going to take a LOT of practise and dedication. And Since I love the lady who's getting murried to pieces,and I'm too cheap to exchange everything( shipping prices to the states suck the balls!)  I had to try.

So I started running again.

I've never been a fan of  running on treadmills, My aunt calls them 'The long run to Nowhere', and I agree.
Plus, I live in a small enough town that really, the only option is outside on gravel roads. I've been going nice and fucking early in the morn, when my household still sleeps, and so does the town. I also go before the town running group. Yes there is one, but they're mostly comprised of older ladies that take a specific meandering route that ends in the town coffeeshop.

So my first morning out, blisteringly early, blearingly tired, with the last of winter slapping me in the face.(yeah we had winter until last week) I got outside. I'd made sure to wear my loosest, comfiest sweater, tightest and best ventilated yoga pants, and brand new runners. I stretched, and started walking. So far so good. I broke in to a light jog as I rounded the corner, and after 30 seconds or so, I realized someone was behind me.  At the next corner I stopped and pretended to stretch, and nonchalantly looked around, but whoever had been behind me must have turned into a house or something. I continued on, trying to keep my breath in check, trying to move my body so my boobs didn't get too excited, and wondering how red my face was. I also started hearing footfall behind me again, and as there was no one awake at that hour, I started to wonder if it was a dog or a maybe a cow or something following me. The oddest part? I think it was trying to keep time with me...I did that sneaky, over the shoulder check, almost tripping over my new fucking uncomfortable shoes, and again, nothing was there. I decided to head back to the house at that point, feeling a little creeped out, and the footfall started following me again. I ran faster and so did they. Then my little caffiene-deprived brain connected the dots and yelled at me, " It's your ASS. Your ass is following you, dummy. Look, it's trying to escape your fancy-pants.'
And there it was. My ass was trying to beat the back of my legs into submission, trying to tell me to stop. Lovely. That was when I noticed my shoelace had come undone, so I bent over, ass flapping in the wind, to tie up my shoe. And that's when my tit rolled out.

At least it was early enough that only a couple farmers may have seen me do the lopsided walk of shame home.

Yam, bam, thank-you ma-am...

I love the holidays!

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, all those fun little holly days in between. Not for their religious value of course, not for the child-like intrinsic quality these holidays bring,
but because I
like
to
Feed
people.

And not just a meal either, not just a feast, not just a Gourmet feast, but something more like a Big-Yummy-Little-Old-Ukrainian-Grandmother-Style-Stuff-You-Til-You-Puke-And-Then-Make-You-Another-Plate-And-Complain-About-How-Skinny-You-Look Gourmet Feast.

I like to cook. lots.

So, I'm on the web this morning looking for side dishes to make, cuz wouldn't you know, I don't think that Turkey, Ham, Chorizo stuffing, mashed taters, broccoli and cauliflower bake, Red pepper salad, corn muffins, cinnamon buns, 2 kinds of pie, and homemade breadsticks and buns are going to be enough. Plus, I totally forgot about Yams! My poor little tubers! Now how could I do such a thing?

So I look up the fated tuber, and up pops all these icky sweet desserty thing to do with yams. Really? eww. candied yams? Saw a picture and it looked like upchucked peach slices. yuck. Baked in a pie? with marshmallows?
I remember a friend tried to do that once for a dinner I went to , but he was poor and didn't have marshmallows, but amazingly enough had marshmallow topping, and he wasn't really a good cook either, cuz the crust was burnt, and the eggs had separated from the yam mixture so there was hard baked egg bits in it, and he put the topping on after baking the pie, and cuz the pie was still hot the marshmallow topping started melting and it looked like somebody sneezed on the pie, but that's not the real reason I have a substantial fear of cooking with yams, nope...

Anyways, I thought that the sweet desserty thing was the sweet potatoes job. What? they're the same thing? No... really? You wouldn't believe how many recipes I found where the chef thought it was the same thing! you probably wouldn't even care!

Well I looked it up, cuz I was Really Confused. and No. For all you fantastic would-be chefs out there, The Sweet Potato, and the Yam are two completely different tubers.
Idiots.

So I spent the next hour or so reading up on why these two tubers are so different, how a yam is actually naturally sweeter than a sweet potato, and how yams are actually tropical, and can grow to be 7 feet tall (takes a backhoe to get it out of the damn ground), and all about the amazing health benefits of each tuber, (I Really like the word Tuber), and where the word Yam even comes from (for all you geeks, it's from the african term njam, nyami, or djambi, meaning "to eat,". who knew?)

and basically wasted my morning without finding a single recipe to cure my side dish blues.
well...

that's it! I'm officially Addicted!!

I LOVE WINTER!!!!

However, I despise the shopping, not for the shopping itself, but that I never carry cash, only plastic. And because of this, I realized this morning that I don't have any clean socks left, due to the fact that I live in a big building with many others (some call it an apartment) and it's only got a coin operated laundry. The plus side to this is that I have small feet, so I can fit into my son's socks. The downside to this is that my son is only four, so his socks, which are usually knee high-ish to him, are now ankle socks to me. So needless to say, my ankles and calfs are chilly!!!!



I also love winter for the Coffee. Every Coffee shop I know in Saskatoon comes up with special yummy drinks, either in Coffee or Hot Chocolate form, even the place that I work at night, so there is always something new to try. I learned quite recently as I was pacing the Brand New Indigo in town (yay! we're finally big enough to have an Indigo books!!!) that Starbucks has a myriad of New flavours for me to sample (well, they're not all new, some are just re-introduced from last year, but still) and lo and behold, I found the Jackpot. It's taste was of Buttery Hot chocolate, and Skor Bar flavour, with a whipped topping of Chocolate Whipped Cream and Rock salt. It was heaven, and usually I'll savour a nector such as this, so I was surprised and somewhat sad when the last dregs came after only minutes. I'm sure this will become my winter Favorite. yummy.



oh yeah.. it's called the Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate, and I order everyone I know to try it at least once.

four! in a row! craziness!

Customer Service.
It's a difficult biz to get into. most people can't handle the stress of it. However, that doesn't mean that not every Sally, Dick and Jane can do it.
I personally think Customer Service is the easiest bloody job to take on, not really hard at all, requires about three brain cells, even my son could do it and he's only four.
I think that most retail/customer service/lackeys should at least have the common sense to know three important rules when working.
1. the customer is always right(until out of earshot)
2. Listen to the customer, don't try to guess(they'll usually tell you what they want)
3. do what you get paid to do, nothing more, nothing less.

These three rules will not only keep you in your job, but probably make life easier to handle in the long run. really.
example. This morning, I inadvertantly tested an employee of a certain bagel shop in above rules. I thought, gee wouldn't it be nice if I could make my own mocha? I could just use Coffee, chocolate milk, and a little cocoa and voila! impromptu yumminess!
So I asked for four things.
My lunch, a tasty lox and capers on a cream-cheesed bagel, which was made slowly, incorrectly(she made me egg salad) and with many interruptions, since the girl was talking to the thingy in her ear, which I can only assume was either an earbud to a radio, or one of those phone plug-in-thingys.
Some soup, which was forgotten about until we got to the cash register.
The coffee, extra large (which you pour yourself, they just give you a cup)
The Chocolate Milk (which was in the cooler behind the counter, not in front with the rest of the pop and cream cheese that you just grab yourself. guess it's more valuable or something.)(this was also forgotten completely.)
Now, I happened to be only carrying debit and not any cash, so when I got my reciept and noticed no chocolate milk and realized my morning caffiene/sugar rush was postponed due to lack of listening to the customer, needless to say I got a little upset. I pointed my ice blue daggers her way and spoke in just above a whisper( don't really have a voice first thing in the morning), 'umm, where's the milk?' to which I got one of those pointy up fingers that one does to show they want the other to hold on, they're busy. So I said, a little louder,'where's your manager?' to which she replied, 'I am the manager, just hold on a sec, I'm a little busy.' and continued her conversation with her ear. At this point in time, Her manager came out( aha!!! LIAR!) and asked if I had been helped, and I proceeded to rip the little ignorant bugger a new one, using such words as:
'girl can't take out her earbuds long enough to do her job',
'a little confused with my order since she made me egg salad when I obviously asked for lox and cream cheese',
'is she actually a manager, because in that case I'm not sure why I even bother to come in here in the first place if that's the kind of person you like to hire',
-and-
'forgot my chocolate milk, and I only have debit, and I can't make my perfect mocha',
all in a surprisingly whiny voice( I guess I'm not very witty first thing in the morning either, mostly just a big puss). In any case, the girl got a swift talking to, I got a free egg salad sandwich, got my coffee refunded, and subsequently went to Starbucks and got a big americano.
So in conclusion, this is my fourth post in a row, and already I have nothing to write except how much people piss me off first thing in the morning. shitty..




p.s. oh, yeah, forgot to mention I'm trying to do this everyday for a month, care of napomlobo? namoplobo? nope... just a sec... NaBloPoMo. That's it. That stands for National Blog Posting Month. so that's what I'm doing. cuz I have no life. that's all...